My mood *had* toned down a bit, until 20 minutes ago. Now I am blazing twice as hot as I was yesterday ( Read more... )

I've really been plummeting down a rabbit hole with all this analysis and reflection on my family and the reality of my experiences within that structure. I understand I cannot change anything. Nor is this necessarily about blaming anyone. It's more like just this cascade effect, where I saw one or two things, or better said I had revelations about ( Read more... )

Another thing I wanted to comment on regarding my reading last night, and the activity in general, has to do with the attitude from which I tackle a book. A while back I wrote about a YouTuber I've been following who made a video concerning how to read... the gist of it was that the point was to enjoy the WHOLE experience, and not go into a book ( Read more... )

One of the Sparrow's ex coworkers is having a 30th birthday party tonight. I found out about a week ago it was 90s themed. Initially I didn't really think much of it. I figured she's a straight, married woman in the boondocks. Her husband is this gruff, tabacco-chewing, cowboy hat wearing bumpkin. I assumed the overall energy would be low, ( Read more... )

I have been doing some self-analysis yet again. This time thinking upon sexuality and how it pertains to what I've experienced in my life. It would be a delicate subject to broach outside of this forum as it would either be completely dismissed or turned on its head by people who would claim my entire point of view is based on shame and self-hatred ( Read more... )

Whenever work gets stressful I always end up thinking about my first job at the lumberyard. In fact, I woke up this morning having dreamt of going back there as an adult. I look back with both fondness and embarrassment. I was in my mid to late teens... growing up... which was both fun and an emotional roller coaster ( Read more... )

I recalled this morning something from my youth. Back when I was a junior in high school, after years of torment against myself by my peers, I witnessed the cruelty of them against another. What is funny to me is the swell of pity I would feel even back then over the mistreatment of another. Reliving their helplessness because I knew the feeling so ( Read more... )

When I was young, I was not athletically inclined. I immensely enjoyed books and would often be found leafing through various volumes of The World Book Encyclopedia in my dad's small library in the basement. The books were from 1968 but it didn't matter. At any moment I would feel the urge to read about some animal, some place in the world, some ( Read more... )

I stumbled onto some 90's music yesterday after hearing a tune in a diner a week back. Each song immediately rocketed to me back to moments in my youth. Visions of times long passed. Sometimes the memories were nothing more than intense feelings, but those feelings themselves are somehow timestamps on those pieces of my history. I can feel myself ( Read more... )

I was thinking about the last day of high school yesterday. Or more specifically, the sense of freedom that overcame me when I departed from school that last time. Climbing into my Jeep with the top down and driving to nowhere specific. Just overjoyed to have escaped from the peer pressure and anxiety of four years of torture. So few times have I ( Read more... )